I just finished an intense cleaning session. I've had a mess of papers and "memories" (aka old receipts of dinners with friends) cluttering my desk for months much to the chagrin of my boyfriend. Today I finally found the courage to tackle it. It took about an hour to put everything into their respective folders and toss the rest. That is a fraction of the amount of time I've spent thinking about doing this task. Whew it feels so good to be done.
On Friday, I purchased "The Artist's Way." I've heard it mentioned for a few years, but never gave it much thought. The title was off-putting. It sounded like a philosophical, fruity-tuity, let's talk about feelings and faith type of book and I didn't have time for that! In truth, I had lots of time for that. Recently I've been realizing I have loads of free-time. I've just tricked myself into thinking I'm busy because all of my free-time is wasted on Instagram. Following a trip to Nashville in May where I spent far too much time on my phone, as well as a work trip in Australia where all I did was obsess over my phone as a way to distract myself, I have taken steps to limit my time on the 'gram and my phone in general. With that has come a greater sense of calm, a curiosity for consciousness, meditating regularly, and being more in tune with reality. Like what's really worth worrying about in my life (very little) and what I have to be grateful for (so much).
After listening to Jenna Fischer speak highly of "The Artist's Way" on the podcast titled "Don't Quit Your Dream Job", and then listening to the author, Julia Cameron, herself on the same podcast, I decided to give the book a shot. I've been diligently doing my morning pages. This is officially day two of the program and so far so good. I felt a preternatural sense of calm yesterday and a sense of "let's do this!" today which led to the deep clean.
Two weeks ago I turned twenty-seven. In my twenties, I haven't found myself caring too much about my age. I look younger than I am which certainly helps. But I think most of it comes from my paternal grandmother's and mother's attitudes towards aging and beauty. Neither of them seem too particularly concerned with the effects of getting older. I am rather excited to continue aging, to be honest. I find women forties and older to be so elegant, beautiful, at ease. Sure, young ladies closer to my age are beautiful too but it's different. I also feel so much better about myself at this age than I did at age seventeen. Ironically, in my teens I was incredibly concerned with each passing year. I painfully compared myself to each younger grade that entered high school. "Oh, this freshman is SO much better at violin than I am. I'm worthless!" I was consumed with comparing and then resigning myself to the fact that I was horrible at everything and I had started everything too late.
Now, I feel I am just starting to learn about myself and the world. I have a greater sense of self-worth and compassion for myself. Ha, compassion for MYSELF. It still rings a little white-girl-yoga-retreat (is that insensitive?) but darn it's important.
Sunday I made a video playing a character based on my mom. She vents about how hot it is and how young people should wear "sunblah." Especially white people. They have privilege, good for them, but their skin "is not as strong as a Chinese...Latino...Black. Is it okay to say?" I posted the video then immediately deleted it, unsure if it was insensitive. I love playing my mom character. Through her I say all sorts of critical things. Mostly the character disses white people and their flimsy skin. I'm not sure if this is offensive so I've refrained from posting too much with her. Ah well.
In other news, I've recently gotten back into eating keto. Day five I think. High fat, moderate protein, ultra low carb. The funniest things happen when I'm following a ketogenic diet. First, my chicken skin on my triceps disappears. Perhaps that's from the lower carb intake and thus lower gluten intake. Look at me embracing my LA white girl. (Again is it insensitive to say that? I truly am an LA white girl though so I think it's okay...?) My poops are an easy breezy delight when I'm keto. Too far? I really love thinking and talking about poops so you'll have to accept it or move on. Lastly, my booger production drops to near nothing! And I'm very aware of my booger production because I have a septum piercing. OoOoOh betcha didn't know that. I have it tucked up 90% of the time because it's usually lovingly embraced by boogers. Not when I'm keto though! I flipped that puppy out last night. Wooo!
Alright, I'm going to eat ribeye now. I've been eating ribeye steak almost every day since restarting keto. I'm not really sure of what's "bad for you" now these days regarding food. It seems everything I learned growing up has been debunked. Milk makes strong bones, fatty food are bad for you, sleeping with wet hair will make you sick. I sleep with wet hair all the time Dad!!!
Steak time. Bye bye!